Monsters: The Prelude (Monster Vault Part 0)

Posted: May 28, 2011 | Author: Dennis N. Santana | Filed under: D&D, D&D 3.5, D&D 4e, Fluff/Inspiration, Meta, Monster Vault, News, RPG |2 Comments »

You know it’s been a really long time since I reviewed the Monster Manual 2, and it feels so much has happened since then. I’ve pretty much stopped playing D&D 4e, I’m actually slated to play in a game of D&D 3.5 of all things, and I never really got around to reviewing the Monster Manual 3 despite my promises to do so. I also skipped Monster Manual 1, because lets face it, that thing is more obsolete than Elvis conspiracy theories. That thing is retro in its own lifetime by now. It’s even been rebooted.

I’ve actually tried twice to get started on the MM3 revieew but it’s like there’s a roadblock and I can’t get that excited for it, and then when I get to the apocalypse spells and have to dissect those enormous stat blocks for what to say. I feel lost for breath and the Apocalypse Spells aren’t even that huge (though one has a power that’s almost longer than its damn flavor text). It’s not the fault of the actual writing, I just don’t feel that energized to do it for whatever reason. Maybe because the manual has Lolth on the cover and there isn’t anything that disinterests me more than Drow, and it just sours the whole thing in ways that orange abomination baboons can’t. Maybe I’ve just completely lost my touch. Well, whatever.

I’ve been trying to see what new series I can start up on the site that would capture the kind of fun I had doing the Monster Manual 2, but I’ve been kind of largely unsuccessful at it. When you look at the sidebar for the popular posts, almost every week you see a Monster Manual 2 post getting up there. These things have been stumbled, they’ve been tweeted, they’ve been linked on forums, they’ve traveled pretty far. Somehow I don’t think I’ll be able to make anything I do stick with that.

Also the Chaos Beholder gimmick got a bit dumb at some points. Though hey, if Wizard’s can add more fluff to their Monster Manuals, why can’t I add more fluff to my reviews? Harrumph harrumph grumph. I better clip this up.

So I guess I leave the forum open for y’all to give me any suggestions on what you’d like to see reviewed or anything.

So until next time everyone, happy gaming and enjoy the blog. Those of you who read it.

 SALAZAR!!!

Wait what.

Know that Dungeons and Dragons has reached a new age of enlightenment!

Umm, okay? I don’t really care about D&D 4e at all. I just said so.

Know that the time has come for the one true system to take its place at the head of its people! Under my guidance, RPGs will flourish. And all the people shall rejoice and pay homage to…Dungeons and Dragons: Essentials.

By the way, I post under my real name now, not Wyatt Salazar. Also I don’t care.

Know that you too shall kneel before Dungeons and Dragons Essentials! You, too, shall soon acknowledge my authority – for I shall be your companion… your provider… and your master!

Sorry, but I sincerely doubt that.

Know that without posting about Dungeons and Dragons Essentials, your pathetic weblog shall never get more than its current, menial amount of traffic, regardless of your wasted efforts.

I’ll have you know I get 72 glorious hits whenever I don’t even post.

Which is most days.

Because I barely post anymore.

…

Okay yeah whatever, so I’m not exactly running Critical Hits here, sue me. What now trollface?

You have been a thorn in my side for far too long now. I shall banish you to my world of the Monster Vault! Nobody there knows of Wyatt Salazar! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

No.

No.

You wouldn’t.

No no no.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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