Perhaps you don’t read enough Axe Cop. Maybe you grew up without a Nintendo. It might even be possible that you never watched Shark Week on the discovery channel, sitting in awe at the killmaximal might of Mother Nature. But even you, yes, you, you failed simpering little child, can generate a character for Incongruent Future (this link will take you to a page which will take you to a page where you can download the game, it is a test of your will). That is the subject of the first Incongruent Future Web Supplement. And no, I will not fix the typos in the core rulebook, because if you manned up they wouldn’t matter.
Supplement 1 will present the following quick-generation of characters for Incongruent Future. Your character will never be as good as that of someone who didn’t generate their characters using a bunch of random tables (you god damn failure) but at least you’ll be able to show your face at the game table without being mocked.
SPECIES
This is where you should start trying to generate your character. Roll a D12 to select the choice from below. If you roll 12, roll d12 twice more and smash them together to get your half-breed. All of the following species have been picked for their objective awesomeness:
1. Mantis
2. Polar Bear
3. Capybara
4. Yeti
5. Undead
6. Human
7. Robot
8. Martian
9. Fairy
10. Lobster
11. Platypus
12. Half Breed, see above
EDUCATION
It is always important to know how completely stupid (or insanely genius) your character is. The following categories have been selected to best describe your character’s level of education in either a phrase or a word, from dumbest to most smartical.
1. Pre-School Drop-Out
2. Kindergarten Drop-Out
3. Elementary School Drop-Out
4. Middle School Drop-Out
5. High School Drop-Out
6. College Drop-Out
7. Middle School Educated
8. GED
9. ⑨
10. MBA
11. PhD
12. Apple CEO
PROFESSION
Your character has to be able to do stuff or you’re a god damn failure. Below are some of the raddest jobs known to mankind. It doesn’t matter what you roll because all of these jobs are sexy, kickin’ awesome and totally prime.
1. Nurse
2. Soldier
3. Engineer
4. Maid
5. Ninja
6. Philosopher-King
7. Pirate
8. Hacker
9. Icy
10. Succubus
11. Scientist
12. Emperor
PERSONALITY
It’s impossible for your character to ever be interesting unless you roll on this table. Unlike what most people think it is objectively impossible to actually ROLEPLAY and have a DEEP STORYLINE unless the “personality,” “backstory,” and etc blanks are full in your character sheet. This is a metaphysical law of the Universe.
1. Depressed
2. Bitter
3. Cynical
4. Psychotic
5. Average
6. With Attitude
7. Overjoyed
8. Perverted
9. The Strongest
10. Rebellious
11. Magnificent
12. Tsundere
FINISHING TOUCHES
These rules only generate 4 of your maximum of 5 traits, so if you don’t want to be totally, completely worthless you should work up the guarana to actually come up with one of your own. Then, arrange each of these results in the best possible order. If you don’t put them in the best order you won’t get a Seal of Awesome.
Example: I roll 4, 7, 10, 6, so I am a Middle-School Educated Yeti Succubus With Attitude. If you wrote With Attitude Yeti Middle-School Educated Succubus it wouldn’t make a god damn lick of sense and you’ll be wasting everybody’s time with your presence. Don’t be THAT guy/girl okay, do this stuff right for once in your life.
Now you have to actually roll what your traits are, so after you set them in order, roll for each stat as normal, then roll for Life Expectancy and Cheats, and only then are you ready to play, by which I mean ready to die and roll another character. Read up on the Core Rules so you know what is expected of you (being completely ubermaximal) and what is expected of the MC (killing all of your characters) and have fun.
